Hate

I've totally broke down from the stress I'm facing. I slapped myself on the face non stop till I bleed today. Hooray! I slapped myself. I slapped myself this fucking bitch that is so dirty from head to toe! And you're the one who made me feel dirty!

I'm bonkers. Don't want anything to happen to him. Yet on another thought, wish that he'll meet with bad accident till he died on the streets and nobody even bothers to claim his body. Otherwise he'll suffer badly at my hand.

SLICE OFF HIS FLESH PIECE BY PIECE! SPRINKLE SALT ON HIS WOUND! POUR BOILING WATER ON HIM! AND DRINK HIS DRIPPING BLOOD AFTER.

THE FEELING IS SHIOK I TELL YOU!

I'm a devil. I know. What have I become? I don't know and don't want to know. I only know it's you who drive me to this.

Why must things become like this? You asked me to change. I have. Isn't this what you want? I'm not dead anymore. I'm alive. Alive with hated.

The feeling is gone. Once it's gone, it's gone forever.

I can only win. I can't afford to lose this time.

021285 - A date a fool was born.
220784 - A date an idiot was born.
080906 - A date which holds memories.
310507 - The date when I'm gone forever?

maybe..

MIA

Don't have time to online.

Will be MIA.

And MIA sounds good at the moment.

Escaping from everything and anything.

Trying to make my mind empty from the medication.

Sleeping peacefully is what I wanted for now.

Am very tired and rest is what I needed most.

Talking Sense

Enough of staying at home. Rested enough. Time to head back to work tomorrow and hand in an excellent sales result.

Enjoyed these few days. Very relaxing. Feeling clam now. No more nonsense from now on. Stubborn temper be gone. Think everything clearly first before any action. Be responsible for it no matter in which it's regarding work or personal. As in what some one said before.

Stand up speak up.

Very true. Stand up and speak up makes sense. Speak everything out. Talk it through. Sure it's understandable. The results won't be that bad. Face the outcome of the things done. No matter held responsible or not.

Please understand.

The Memories

Been a very troubled week. Normally will work at BEST until it closes and stay out till 3am or 4am everyday. Totally have no time to online. Bugged by lots of problems. Both in personal and work stress. I found myself suffocating. No mood to work. Didn't go to work for tons of time. Luckily I had a nice in charge who understands my problem.

Mood's just like a sea saw. Ups and downs. Maybe I will cheer up a little and tried to laugh a bit for my all my friend's sake. But those laughters are not from my heart. Deep down it's still hurting. I'm still suffering in silence. My doctor told me the only way to find a cure to this is to find out what is the problem that troubles me and get rid of it.

Was at home for the past few days. If not will only work half day. Promised myself today will be the last. Rested enough to rush for the weekend. With or without sales, I've already not going to bother too much. At most get transfer or fired. With or without work, life is still the same for me. Since I worked, the path had not been smooth for me.

I missed the old days. I don't have to work. I can stay up till late night to online. And where my first work place Newstead is. The laughters in Newstead. The guys esp Low and Kelvin. In fact, I missed ta pao-ing their lunch and dinner for them. I missed how they would suan and sabo me everyday. I missed waiting for Jes to come and visit us. But now? Everything changed. They're not a family anymore. Due to so many misunderstanding. Don't think I'll step into there anymore too.

Till now I still remember what is the guys favourite food. I still can't forget if I feel mood less and sit alone there, Low and the other few would be the first to approach me, trying to cheer me up with their silly monkey acts. I won't forget how Kelvin quarreled with me everyday. Till Julian have to stop us.

Memories, lovely memories. I'm missing it. Is it possible for time to turn back? If it's able. Will it still be the same? I guess not right?

2007 has been a terrible year for me. I hope it past by peacefully for the remaining months. I'm tired of it. Terribly tired. Let me rest.

Short Post

Tired to blog recently. On MC.

Too many things happened till I can't accept the fact.

I'm feeling very upset and down.

Depression strikes.

Now I need some time to cope and handle it.

Time to rest. On medication again.

Leave me alone for the time being. I'd like to be alone. Thank you.

Birthday Celebration

Pon-ed work. After deep thoughts, I've finally learn how to let go and put down. After all these things, I just want to keep myself and all the people around me happy. So I went to celebrate mei's birthday with her. Guess I'm kind of mad today. Cabbed down to Yishun at 9pm with a cake and a pair of chipmunks for her.

Mei's one of my closest and important person in my life. Doted on her lots. Known each other for so many years. Finally had some money to spend for her birthday due to I've started working. So of course must made the celebration warm and nice for her. A day not easily forgettable.

Didn't spend more than a blue note overall. Someone else did. Because even sister was invited down from Bedok all the way to Yishun. Although it's just a few couple of hours, I really treasured and enjoyed the time. Wonder when then I'll have the chance to enjoy all these again. I felt relax today.

Hey guy, thanks for all the things you did today. Gan dong-ing.

I LOVE YOU MEI! MUACKS! Hope you enjoyed tonight. Below is my mei with her damn delicious cake. *Thinks back and drools*

PS : Mei, don't mind me posting your picture here hor?



I've let go, have you too?

Troubled Waters

It's time not to avoid and have a talk.

Don't avoid anymore and let the matter drag on.

It's now you. You're the one who don't want to talk.

I don't know what you want. I know you're still reading this.

I know you are. Do you think I don't know you well after so long?

Please, face it. I mean no harm. You won't harm me also right?

We need a talk and you know it.

Waiting.