Tuesday, July 31, 2012

this exp hor, die die also must jot down.

warm up session at 2.20pm.
waited for my car 131 for SO long.
started my warming up session with a very friendly instructor mr lu.
he calm me down alot sia! thank you!
went thru all courses and went one test route.
came back. and waited at the waiting room for test.

damn nervous can? my name was called soon.
went downstairs with the tester uncle for car.
but dunno is too kan chiong or what. CAR CANNOT START.
omg die. minus points already. T.T

okok, relax. drove into the circuit.
did all the courses with ease! YAY! perfect!
my two parking weak points also swee!
never test e-brake. straight went out to the road.

got test route 10. one of the easiest. heng!
drove straight out to bb straight road.
did a u turn. some lane changes which were my weak points.
and damn! i did one very wide right turn! ARGH!
minus points again! and lastly went back to circuit.

went up with him to the results room.
thinking sua lah. i will fail this time. so many points kena deduct.
ended up he told me my mistake in the right turn.
some abrupt lane changes and pass me my result slip.

even more lucky then kena 4D and toto!

for this few months. i sincerely thanks all the instructors that taught me before.
and esp the following,

Monday, July 30, 2012

the critical time for my first step is so near.
im so afraid. afraid cos this time im facing all this alone.
issit cos im being too comfy in my comfort zone for too long?

motivation. i need motivation.
i keep climbing and climbing. hoping one day i'll be near.
im afraid of heights. afraid of failure. afraid of so many things.
but motivation is there. MUST DO IT.

i keep climbing. keep challenge myself.
must climb faster and higher this time.
one day im able to reach for you.
i know when i reach the top i may find out that alls a dream.
but i just dont wanna give up.
at least you can see my efforts will you?
you see me change do you?

i really cant afford to lose. i can fail but i cant lose.
this is my last chance to myself too.
i know everyone sees RF as say only wont do.
so pls let me have this last chance to be a different me.
let me prove to myself too.

im afraid of heights. i may climb slow.
i dunno how many times i will fall back to the starting point.
but pls continue to see. let me prove to you.
that i really have the determination to change.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

went to sign the letter of offer aka agreement today.
when my name was signed on it, i asked myself.
have i totally decided to let everything go?

it means a brand new start for me.
everything seems so attractive. but it just doesn't seems to attract me.
my mind is still best best best.
remembered the small but cosy it store.
the always full house pantry.
and the staff canteen.

i asked myself again. best couldn't be so difficult to forget right?
then i realize it's our 1 year memories there that i can't forget.
and of course you.

trying my very best to divert all my attention away from you.
hope this job makes a good start.
i'm glad you talked to me recently. it really makes me feel so much better.
after tp end will be a brand new start. for you and for me.

issit suppose to be a good thing? i hope so.
cos for now my current motivation is still you.
let me prove my best out for you, me and all alright?

Monday, July 23, 2012

car accident at BBDC.
first and the last. damn.
confidence and moral all gone.
how to go for the TP next week?

i DID step on the brake. but the car keep on rolling!!
if you said i step on wrong pedal, you think the car infront wont kena bang till move?
when the car don't stop rolling i panic.
let it roll and panic then so last min i release the brake. and BANG. you got it.
both cars bumper, boot and bonet all dented.
OMFG. my mind was in a whole blank.
i thought im going to get injured or something when the crash came.

wah F. so guilty towards the instructor. today gan mc he took over.
i fix instructor and group also kena him.
as he said, this kind of things cant siam means cant siam.
i feel so sorry. he's such a good instructor.
hope he dont kena too jia lat jia lat.

shag. damn shag now.

Saturday, July 21, 2012

we both cried today. but trust me what i said is all 真心话..
i understand there's some reasons that we're not able to be together anymore.
i accepted that. cos i believe im the main cause of it. i never blame u at all.

i swear i won't get into another relationship anymore.
it's too hurtful. i know i kept giving u empty promises.
it's okay. i need time. time for me to change.
if i can do it. please allow me to be your friend still.
if not im too ashamed to face u too.

just stay there quietly can? don't stir my emotions anymore.
you're the best yet worst relationship i ever had.
and trust me. this is the last one i'll go for.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012




Tuesday, July 10, 2012

dear jianlong,

today i screwed up. i purposely scolded you and your mom. i purposely want to make you leave me. as a friend. i said i want you as a friend. but i know it's not at this point of time. i deleted all regarding you and your contacts. i promised i won't go to your fb or twitter anymore. ask yourself. do you really think i'm this kind of person that scold you and your family? NO! I JUST WANT YOU TO TOTALLY GIVE UP ON ME! but please continue to think i'm this kind of person ok? think that your ex is such an idiot ok? it will make you feel better.

i know i scolded till very cannot listen. i told you i have someone else in my mind already. i thought when i lie to you i'll feel better. at least i can don't cling on your for a while. i want to make use of this time to change everything. including my future. after then which i will HAVE THE FACE to contact you again. even if we're strangers the next time we meet. even if you hate me. it's okay.

my heart hurts. but i have to be brave. i'm sorry i said till so 狠 and  绝 . this kind of stuffs really cannot drag anymore. the more i hold on to you the more upset i will have cause you. i want the best for you. i want your life to be better than mine. sorry. forgive me. even if we might not have the chance to meet forever. i'm glad. cos i FINALLY PUSHED YOU AWAY. YOU WILL HAVE A BETTER LIFE NOW!

很痛. but i have to learn to live my life without you. cos this is what you want. love does not mean to have that person all by yourself. it means giving the person a better life even if it's without you. if this is what the other party wants. I MUST BEAR MY TEARS. but why does it keep flowing down? 忍! 忍! 忍!

i hope you don't see this post forever.
对不起. 我爱你. 却不配拥有你.
you deserve someone better.

让我自己一个人承担就好 ok?