I read my old blog's archives. Those were memories. Everyday was a happy day. Esp in the month of Sep to Dec. Those aren't fake. Those matters do exist before, right? But now? Those things are just nightmares that kept haunting me. Those memories aren't sweet at all.
However, I have no regrets. Perhaps...
Not every fairytale has a happy ending.
Old times were great. Esp with the gangs and my so call, "family". My site's gang. I'm missing them all. The outing we'll always have in the holidays. The fun and laughters we'll always have when we go out together. The excitement of meeting and knowing new people at the outing. Now? I've drifted from every single one of them. Don't even know who's new in and who's out. Don't know what's happening around them and my site anymore.
And my "family". My mei, ger, baobei and bear they all. I'm missing the conference session we have every night. The teasing and suaning. The comforting they gave me when I'm feeling down. The meet up sessions with them all in holidays. The ton-ing session till early morning we have almost every single day. That makes me, mei and baobei turned into panda. Now? MIA de MIA. While some others have their new own group of people to hang out.
Last time people will say I'm childish to hang around with a group of people so much younger than me. But at least I'm happy. Because I know I can trust them. Hence pouring out my feelings and thoughts to them. And I'm comfortable chatting with them. I don't feel old. Instead they made me feel young.
Every day is an interesting day when I'm not working.
Missed the chats on Skype with bunny and sister too. Now I've already drifted with bunny like millions kilometers. Although I'm still close with sister. But some how the feeling is not the same anymore. And Darren also. Missed the chats with him. I don't care how others think of him. I only know he's nice to me. I'll be nice to him too. Other matters about him? I hack care. Now? I don't dare to approach him. Sharing thoughts with him seems strange now.
I don't know what I'm suppose to feel and think now. Can only live plainly day by day. Work work work. Eat eat eat. Sleep sleep sleep. And the him who appeared. And the him who disappeared. I don't know what's going into me. I guess I've really changed too much till I don't even know myself.
Need to find back the real me. The feeling is super scary now. Don't know what I'm doing. Don't know what I'm thinking. Don't even know what I'm feeling. I've became numb. A lifeless person.
Where's the old me? The old me, myself and I? Lost forever? Hopefully not.