Still sad.Need time to heal i guess.But it's hard.Hard to forget everything.For about 5 mths.My life is totally different.Now it's the same again.Alone and lonely.Guess i'm fated and destinated to be a loner.Nowadays keep play the song Hao Ai Ta Hao Xiang Ta by 183 club and 7 flowers.The lyrics are meaninful.Love that song.So soothing and nice.
Just end another round of crying.Heartache.I know he will still be reading it.And i will continue to blog out my feelings.Wun be hiding them.Suddenly feel as if i'm back to 7 years ago when i just quitted school.My mood was swinging and flying.Nearly need to go see a doc.Now it's back again.I need to control myself now if not will be suffering from depression.
Promise i wun do anything silly and foolish.Will be fine soon.I guess?I'm trying to forget.Lock up my habbo room.Dun wish to go in and feel more upset.Friends are indeed my moral support now.My litez, Jeff, jie, mei and ger etc.And recently talk alot to Fai.He's really a nice guy.My dear friends.Thank you.But friends concern is different bah.
I cant stand the thoughts of just friends with him.This hurt terribly.For 5 mths.Now it's not the same anymore.Wun be able to face him.Will be more upset.One word.Avoid.Guess that should helps.The birthday wish will never come true.His words.'Even as a friend i will be there to spend ur bdae with u.'Nah..Dun..Actually long ago i already had this feeling this will come true.
Still remember last time i was still scolding jie about virtual relationship.Now it's my turn.Thinking about my bdae.It's been a long time since family celebrate with me.Guess this year twins wun be.The last party i got was on my 7th bdae.After that cake is normally i bought myself.Then spend my bdae alone cutting, eating and blowing out the candles.
Jeff was asking what present i wanted.Only one.Dun wan to spend my bdae alone and lonely.As an only child, i'm so afraid of being lonely.I'm scared of the lonely feeling.And hate going out alone.But i did not have much friends.So i really do cherish all friendships.Hope this year's bdae will be alittle different.Every year i wish for health.Hope my wish comes true this year.
Maybe asking them out this weekend.I din go see doc today.Mood too bad to go.Jeff was planning for my bade.Kiasu lah.2 more weeks.Yeah.2 more weeks.Why cant last till that day?My bdae dream gone.Again..Haiz..A bdae i will never forget this year.A sad bdae without him.
Eyes still watery now.Dunno what to do.A call to him?Wun bah.What to say?Scold him?Nvm le.Must get used to this new life.Yeah.A life without him.Long long blog again.Guess i can't sleep tonight also.Let it be.Leave me alone will be best perharps?Dunno.Hope i get my ans soon.
Jeff went to cook something to eat.Come to think.Quite long i din eat anything.Yet i dun feel hungry.Was asking him to cook my share.He send a word file type with the food in it as title.Pengz.. -.-'' But at least i can still laugh alittle.It's great.Sure a wonderful feeling to laugh. =D
But is this laugh fake?Jeff can see that i laugh just to let all of my friends not to worry.He know me well.Indeed bah.No matter how sad my mood is.Dun like to affect ppl much.Will try to cheer but is laughing at the outside and crying in the inside.Hope i can laugh out from my heart soon.