Can't sleep. I'm making a decision now. Hope i wouldn't have regrets like last time.
Youting's invitation to her birthday party brings back lots of memories. I'll once again step into her house which i went 10 years ago before. The house where we turn upside down while doing our so call ''projects''.
Me, ting, qin, zhiwei and ehh.. Who else? I'm really old and forgetful. Remembered zhiwei ran off in anger. Wonder why he quarrelled with ting? Or.. ehh.. oh well.. forget who he quarrelled with. Not me i know for sure. He hide in the kitchen locking the door. And we are banging so hard that the door nearly break.
Ting's mei veronica who was only 5 or 6 years old scared till she cried out. I remembered alot alot. After 10 years. I'm going to her house again. This time, no qin, no zhiwei only people i don't know who are they. Strangers to be be exact.
The feeling of alone is terrible and horrible. Remembered how the first day of my P5 goes. Standing there alone. Watching my P4 EM1's ex classmates standing infront of the 5A stand. Me? I walk to 5D and guess what? They said excuse me, are you in the wrong class?
Hurts i tell you. But i've never regret mum choosing EM2 for me. If not i wouldn't be with my gang. EM1 are all snobbish people. I'm most glad i met ting on the first day. She came up and said hi, ask me what class. And guess what? We are in the same class.
Mostly of them came from class I. I'm the only EM1 dropout. They didn't give me the buay song face after ting introduce me to them. They are so friendly. Unlike those EM1 students. Suddenly i feel a ray of warmth here.
Read the letters which they send me after i dropped out of 5D. Tears just flow down. One said ''We miss you. When are you coming back?'' Another one said. ''Let me tell you more about 6D, we are more noisier!'' See? Such caring friends where to get?
''The class are so surprised and shock when they find you are not coming back.'' Read this in one letter. I keep in touch with mostly my 5D's mates. We are not a class. I tell you. We are a family The place where i feel warmth.
They know what's wrong with me when i blink an eye. They notice everything about me. My gang! How much i missed them. How much i regret going along with the choice my parents made. Can i turned back time? Just let me once again go back to 1996.
5D, yes! We are the donkeys. Friendly ones. Last day of class. Who will ever thought this is really the last? Last of me, last of mr chia. We are still saying. Omg! Don't want holidays! We share everything here. Joys, laughters, and sadness.
First day of 6D was the last of me too. I'm still waving bye bye to them when ting, jia, leen, bee and wei notice i'm unwell when PE. But this is the last i saw them too. Who will know that? My dears, hope to see you all at ting's party. I really miss you all!
And now. I'm making up my mind at a terrible decisison. Don't want any regrets like last time. Ever since i've joined them. I feel the warmth again. Like last time how my 5Ds treated me. If not for them, i've be gone long ago.
Please let me made up my mind. I'm really tired. I want to rest forever. Don't reject me again please. Just let me leave my ''family'' happily and peacefully. No matter what i love my familyS. Real life family, 5Ds and this newest but warmest family of mine.
I'll stab my hands with scissors to decrease the pain in my heart after the dropped out. For so long, i don't have anyone to care for me. Till now, i've met them. They encourage me to do things i've never dare to try. It's really a hard decisison to make. I have my responsibility.
You will never know the warmth of 5D's and this. 5D's not a class. We are a family. And this, we are not a place, a site nor virtual. We are real, we treated each other with real feeling. This is the place where i called home. Where i can feel the warmth of them.
I'm made up my mind to tender my letter up. Just let it be approved and let me leave quietly.