Mom came back today. But will be going again in a couple of weeks. And I need to tag along this time. They are celebrating mom's 50th's birthday for her. And it's on such an early date. 4th June? Mom's birthday's on 22th. Seems they are celebrating her lunar's birthday. Ah po mention that. Big uncle also will be joining us? Since when is he getting so well along with us?
I don't understand why mom had to fork out all the money for her celebration. They wanted the celebration. So at least pay a little right? Share the cost and take it as mom's birthday present. I had to go malacca early and help out with the stuffs. I'm going to make this a big celebration for mom.
Ever since the big crisis a few years ago regarding her health, I'm worried sick when mom's feeling a tad unwell all the time. I wanted to make her happy, wanted to plan a big surprise for her, but it turns out badly last time. She was sick again soon after her birthday. From that time onwards, I'm afraid to celebrate her birthday for her again. Living in fear when she's in hospital. Thinking what will happen. Dad and I had prepare for the worst. A brain surgery isn't easy. It's quite dangerous with a 15% endangered on it.
Luckily, all is fine now. Just hope, after her 50th birthday. All will be well. I only wish for her to be happy and healthy. Money or not doesn't matter anymore. Thinking of the time, I really nearly gone bonkers because of the hospital and surgery bill. I was afraid to visit mom in ICU. Seeing her in pain makes me upset and worried. When the bill arrived, I was glad the government cover quite a lot for us. Can you imagine how to fork out $30000? Never in my life would I have such loads cash.
I don't wish to think of the unhappy moments of mom in hospital and my school life. Those days are terrible and horrible. I'm feeling so helpless. No care from friends, no one stood by my side. Great thanks to YT who gave me a call to comfort me. I'd never forget it. Thanks girl.
I still remembered how I cried when I'm back home after visiting mom in ICU. I couldn't stand it anymore. Twice in ICU. What has mom done to suffer from all these? Dad saw it, and ask me to cry it out loudly. It will make me feel better. Saying now mom isn't as strong as before, I need to learn to take care of myself. From that day onwards, I've learn to grow up. That night was the first time I saw tears droplets in his eyes.
I will never forget how I'm forced to jump from the 4th floor of the school building just because I'm not given a chance to took the exams. Neither can I forget the tears that rolled down mom's cheeks when she went to fetch me back from school when I'm sick every time. Think of it. Go there and got scolded by the principal that she had such a useless daughter. You imagine it. If the principal says your daughter is useless, only knows how to absent from school. Is she faking or what? How will you feel?
If I don't want to consider about my mom's feeling and just continue the path, brace up and go ahead, I guess my life will be totally different now. But the principal is right too. A student who does nothing and keep absent from school. Out of 90 days, I just gone to school for 10 days. The rest are spend in my bed wailing in pain. No! I don't want this kind of life too. I wanted to be healthy. I want to be like the other childrens. My grades dropped from all A's to B's. I'm feeling so ashamed of myself too. The one who gets kick out of EM1 because her grades dropped to B's? What a joke. You must be kidding. Ever since, I'm stressing myself so hard. Now I'm regreting this. Why am I stressing myself so hard for? All because of mom. I just want to make her happy. Who will know that it turns out the opposite? Stress too much till I get sick all the time. Worried too much till I lay in bed all day. I hate all that!
How I wish I can changed the past. How I wish my life is not the same now. How I wish all is just a dream, a nightmare. When I wake up, all will be totally different from now. But I know, I really must be dreaming now to say all these. I know I am.