Went out with d jie to je. Met her for a shopping, eating and girls talk day out. Sadly, I don't feel much better after all the talk. Instead talking more makes me found out more things that I'm kept in the dark. Some stuffs that I'll never expected it to have happened. But it did. So this is what the phrase 大小通吃 means uh? I'm disappointed you can say.
Had a long chat with jie sitting in a cafe. Drinking hot choco. At that time I really hope I'm drinking liquor. Maybe I'll feel much better. Jie and me talked about everything under the sun. From guys we know to friends around us. Guys we know. Quite a number you can say. There's uncle, long time friend j. And the s guy. S guy= a** guy? I was laughing like mad when jie said 'that s guy'. Jie means snake instead of ***. Funny jie.
I trust my jie. So I know everything she said is real. And I'm opening one eye and closing one. Leaving it to fate. I'm waiting. Waiting for what I want him to become. Waiting for what will happen next. Hope he will be better after this. Jie and me are really close. We can talked about everything. Can share stuffs too. But some stuffs are never meant to be shared.
Effort. I hope to see him putting in more effort. I don't want to be the only one who did and save everything. Told jie about everything from the start. I admit I'm wrong at first too. I shouldn't have that kind of thinking. But now I've thought it through. I'm never mature. Never will I be too. But when it comes to serious stuffs. I really had mature thinkings.
Other than this topic, jie and me chatted about j too. He's a close friend of us. Whom most of my close ones know too. Including mei and ger. When I asked jie a question that I asked to most of mine and his friends. Jie's answer shocked me too. So it's real? The so call liking regarding me? Seems everyone can see that? Both of my jies and da jie had already told me. And seems I'm not aware of that? I can't believe how stupid I can be. But it's over now. I've just walked away from him after what I heard from all my jies. J is still a friend. But can't be a close friend I suppose.
Apart than talking about serious stuffs. Jie and me went shopping at this fashion. I'm mad to buy two skirts and a femaine top. Short skirts some more. I suddenly had a liking for skirts. Spent more than my budget today. Luckily I had jie to buy me a necklace I liked and pay for my food at the cafe. So nice of her. We bought simliar necklaces. Hers is green while mine is pink. Heart shaped. Thanks jie. I'm so blessed to have a jie like you.
Had jap udon at jec for dinner. Wonderfully delicious and cheap. But before that I got a call from him. Seems he's quite shock that jie and me are still so close and even went shopping together today. Don't know if he's afraid or anything. He sounds weird. But anyway, nothing will affect me and my jie's relationship. Although what happened was a serious one. We will still be close jie mei. Just hope that he learnt his lesson now.
Too tired to go on if more stuffs cope up. I'm not as strong as you guys think me to be. I'm a human too. I have feelings and emo. I'm not a silly robot who don't know everything. Wondering if the main person in this post of mine still reads my blog. But I really feel much better after blogging all out. To those who don't understand what happened, pardon me, but I don't wish to say.
Sometimes I really hope buddy is here for me to pour my woes out to. But I'm not troubling him with my matters from now on. My head is spinning crazily. Closed my eyes and saw those matters. Please don't let me collaspe. I can't afford to collaspe. RongFang! You've got to hang in there! You still need to continue walking this path you've choosen. Jia you!
我不是你们想象中那么坚强。
我也有脆弱的一面。
而我现在真的是很累了。
好累。好想睡。
好想就这样闭上眼什么都不去管。
一直到永远。