Really tired of this. There's bound to be shocking matters everyday. And most of the time I don't know about the news. I need my close ones to tell me. Just what is this? Are are what I heard and saw the truth? Can humans even be trusted? Can I just have a good night rest every night? That's just a simple thing I wished for. Nothing to worry about so that I can sleep better.
The bang on my head when I'm on the bus cause me to puke and have dizzy spells for today. And I'm so worried about it. Not knowing what to do. Don't want to worry my mum too much. She don't bother about me much too. So in the end I turned to him. But can't contact him at all. Lastly, it's my jie who helped me then I can find him. Well, no worries friends. I'm feeling better. But who knows. Maybe I'll just died one day and no one even notice that.
My guy friends become my nagging target. Thanks matthew for being there always for me. Although a young guy. But he's mature enough to understand the problems I'm facing. Thanks junhao. My old friend for around 10 years. For 'listening' to me. And yes! I missed you! So long then have chance to chat. Take care ah. Thanks to those that tagged too. I'll be fine. Just hope that all will be over soon. I wish for the nightmares to end.
I really hope that what I saw are not what I'm thinking. I really hope those are not the truth. Very tired one you know? I'll collapse soon. But hang in there RongFang. You're strong. Nothing can defeat me that easily. There's lots of close ones to give me support. But I really feel so lost without my main support here. Which is my buddy. Seems he and his ex are getting better. I don't want to be innocently be a third party. I'll learn to avoid now.
Thinking of buddy tends to cheer me up a little. He's really funny. Even matt can laugh at our conversation. Buddy's the only person who understands me most and knows how to cheer me up. I really don't want to bother him about my matters anymore. Sometimes I really feel like hiding everything inside myself. But afraid that I might explode anytime. I need to let them out. And hence my poor friends and my blog became the vicitms.
I won't let you guys worry anymore. I know how to stand on my feet. Do you know that the best thing to do to let out your sadness is just to col. Cry out loud. I promise myself I won't cry anymore. That's why I feel so stress. But maybe not as stress as ruben. I still try to cheer him up with cold jokes when I'm the one feeling bad. Because I don't want to let others around me feel bad along with me. I won't let my mood affect my dear friends.
RongFang's strong. But not jeslin. To those who know me well will know it. Jeslin is a person who will hide when she faces problems. Which is another side of me. Jeslin is just a younger version of me which I hate. Compare the difference between me now and years ago. You'll see it. Don't believe ask junhao. Guess I'll still be RongFang after all. I really hope that jeslin won't exist. Because I won't know how to defeat the weak side of me.
I got an explanation at 3 plus am. But at the same time I can't cheer up at all. Not because of the explanation I got was bad. It was a reasonable one. And I believed it. But my sad mood is due to my darling sister dreamze. I got the most harsh scolding from him ever. I broke down and cried totally. I'm so tired with my life. He said I'm living a life which has no future. I'm stupid and silly. And I don't want to walk out of the path. Which is isn't. I'm trying to get out of my old ways. Which I think I succeed. But sister think otherwise.
Sister must had lots of problems. And I'm not there to share with him. He said that he can't contact me. Which is not true too. Yes, I didn't online much. But he can just reach me by my phone right? But he don't want to. Sister didn't give me chances to explain much. He don't understand what am I busy with. Saying darren already went to ns. Do I still have other things to bother about? Keep on saying I need to get a life etc. I know sister. I know. But you don't have to be so harsh with those vulgar. It really hurts me.
I understand that he meant well. Or perhaps he's not in a good mood. But he said his problems were over. Just mad that I'm not there for him when he need someone to talk to. I feel bad. I'm always there for darren. Why can't it be the same with sister? Now that darren's not here. Sister is the only buddy closest to me. Yet I did nothing. As what he said. What kind of sister am I? I'm just a useless sister. He will always be there for me. But what about me? I did nothing. So now I can only apologize to him non stop.
Sister's reaction reminded me of that person. Whom don't understand me well. And in return I got misunderstood for 10 years. Why can't they be like darren? Try to understand me. I feel so lost. Had already choose the path I want yet I got all these. Sometimes I just need them to talk to. Nothing much else. I know sister don't mean any offence. But suddenly I just feel so useless. I'm just a useless person. Sorry sister. I did make you worried. Just let me fade away. Leave me alone. I won't let you guys worried about me anymore. I'll suffer everything alone. I'll bear the responsibility myself.