I'm so tired. Both in mind and body. Don't even know if I have the strength to carry on going anymore. Just getting so sick and tired of everything. What a tough game it is. A game that I spent almost all my energy on it. Spending and concentrating almost all my time on it. Trying to continue it till as long as possible. I'm not giving it up that easily. I know I'm playing with fire. It's a dangerous game. But I'm sure I won't give up half way. The end? Not yet. The game's still on. Get ready. Round N begins.
Don't understand what I'm talking about? Never mind about it then. I just begin a new chapter of my life. A new me. I don't even understand why I can become that bu zhe shou duan to get what I wanted. Since in your eyes I'm just a bitch. I'll just continue to live this position in your life then. No matter if it's 10 years ago or 10 years later. I'll still be the same. I really hope that we'll never bump into each other again. That hateful eyes of yours gives me the shivers and tears.
I don't want to be a guai guai girl anymore. It doesn't help. You need to be more ruthless to get things you wanted. Otherwise no matter how hard you try, you'll never had much chance to succeed. I'm stupid last time. Believing that when you treat people with kindness they'll do the same to you too. Unfortunately, the answer might be a no sometimes. I don't need your kindness now or in the future.
I hate it when people called me jeslin. Esp when it's from your mouth. The voice that didn't change for 10 years. But now I'm going to use back this name. No point hiding it anymore. Since it's my choice not yours. No matter if it's 10 years ago or now. I have the right to make my own decision. You don't have to care if I regret it or not. It's totally none of your business. I like the life I'm living now.
To you there's only the stupid dumb jeslin who made the wrong decision. There's no RongFang at all. I wanted to mend the gap between us. Useless isn't it? I still heard the 3 words from you. Which is of course I hate you. Let me tell you. Childhood memories sucks. Esp when it dragged hated to the future. I had no one to stand by me. Where's him when I needed him? Where's them? I can find no one.
Pardon me if I wrote stuffs which you don't understand. That's due to I bumped into some one whom I really wanted to avoid for years. And had an accident while on my way home. The bus I'm on crashed into a car. And I'm sitting in front hence I got the most shock of my life. Fortunately, no one's hurt. I only bumped my head against the window. Just feeling a tad giddy now. There's 'spiderwebs' all over the bus's windows. Serious isn't it?
Came home, nobody bothers about me. Mum was busy asking me about her artworks. Didn't even bother to ask if I had a shock or am I hurt. Can't even find the person I wanted to speak to just for a little while for the whole day. Who am I to you people? I really don't get it. I'm tired. Really tired. I need a long rest. Don't want to think of anything. Afraid that I might really collapse or explode. I need to stand on my feet. Without anyone to help this time.