I'm so seriously sick till I can't type much. The interviewer ps me today. Luckily, if not I'll also be too sick to go. Let me count the medicine I took today. Medicine for gastric, cold, fever, cough, flu. Eh flu and cold got different? Dunno? I just pop whatever medicine I found. Popped some sleeping pills too. Had difficulty sleeping. Guess later I'm going to sleep forever soon. Because I'm going to die of drug overdose. =_=
Not sure what is the reason. But I'm stress like crazy. Been giving myself too much stress till those childhood nightmares keep coming back to hunt me recently. How I got molested while I was in K1. What the damn principal did to drive me to trying to jump off the building. How I caused mum to go for an abortion. Those endless trips to the hospital till I got numb to needles. How I puke too much till blood gosh out. I'm not trying to get attention here. I just wish I can forget all those. Why others can have a happy childhood but I don't? How am I different from others till I'm being treated like an alien?
Having suicidal thoughts too. Went east coast to blow the wind breeze. End up I walk further and further to the sea. Luckily got an uncle stop me. If not I'll appeared in the newspaper's headlines. Worst is I don't even know what am I doing. Just blur blur. I need to visit a psychologist asap. These are signs of depression. Mum's trying to find me one. She's damn worried. I need to relax. Trying not to stress myself but tough. I'm really so tired.
I feel so tired. More sleeping pills please. I really hope to get a good night rest tonight. Curse my mind. What the hell is it thinking? Tired. Really tired of life. Sickening life I've got. By the way, thanks ah jeff for crabbing with me. He never fails to cheer me up a little everytime. I need a rest now to clear my confused mind. Hope I'll be back well soon. Don't worry. Promise I'll be fine very soon. I'm strong. Nothing can beat me. Not even depression.