4am now. Such a wonder that I'm still online at this time. And it's the last day I can ton till this hour. Am so going to miss this kind of life again. After tonight, it'll be resting early nights for me.
Chatted a lot with zax mei tonight. She asked me not to mia too often. Mei, I'll try. If you know me well, you'll know that even if I'm mia, I won't be mia in my blog. If I'm even gone from blogging. Then I'm in some kind of trouble or something that upsets me till I don't even wish to online. I don't want and won't be like him. Tired with these missing in action thing he gave.
Been waiting for him to online for the whole night. Don't want to call him. Afraid that he'll gave me all those drunken speech again. Once bitten twice shy. Guys talked really different when they're drunk. But till now, 4.30am sharp and he's nowhere in sight. Perhaps he's drunk, again.
I gave up.
Feeling confused recently. Mind filled with bitter, sour, sweet and even salty. Bitter coz I found my life's tough. Sour coz I'm jealous? Maybe. Sweet coz I'm touched by what he did. And salty coz I cried upon the memories. Overall, I felt tired. But don't want to rest anymore. What should I do? Don't even know that myself.
Asked mei a silly question tonight. Asked her who will that be. And she answered me very fast.
F.
She don't even have to think. But is that the answer? Maybe? I'm not even sure of that myself.
People said feelings will fade. I believe. Coz I've lost all feeling for that person upon that matter. Yet for this it had been so many years. Even if that's a pity from start coz I feel bad. The feeling would have gone right? Yet it didn't.
Today's the 1st of April. April Fool. The day will arrive soon. I don't even know if I have a chance to say that to him. I hope I do. As long as he don't mia, it's possible.
I shouldn't have did it from the start. Using this to forget that is silly. Hence landed myself in such a mess now. I brought it upon myself. When this is gone. The feeling of that is back again.
Foolish me. That can never be forgetten.