Great feeling to stay up till late night. Missed the late night chats. And I can only do it during Monday mornings. Waiting for the once a week off day is like waiting for death. So fucking long. But it gets better when counting down to Mondays. At least it gives me some work spirit.
Been thinking a lot recently. Maybe too much. That's why couldn't sleep at night. Even if I manage to sleep will still get woken up by nightmares of the incident eventually. Had to depend on sleeping pills to fall into a good night's sleep. Am so tired of this feeling. When will these end?
Sales was very bad for me. Watching the others selling players like hot cakes while I just stand there for the whole day. The feeling can be quite upsetting and depressing. Don't know why my luck can be so down. I'm trying and have tried. But if makes no difference anyway. A failure.
Stressing myself too much. Smoking is the only way to keep my stress level down. Even woman was shocked when I jioed her to smoke. Remembered I once told a person I'll sure change when I start working. So is this the change in me? Guess this is not the change the person want me to.
Keep thinking of the past. Wondering what would have happen if all those never happened at all? Walked by those places. Surroundings are still the same. But the people are already different. Trying to find back some long lost feelings but it only makes me more upset thinking.
Missed the guys lots. Which ever places I walked by that holds memories of them I'll stop by and think back. The food they like to eat and the things they like to do. Time can't turn back. No point staying in the past anymore. It's time to move on. Only wish is to meet them once again.
Everyone have a best friend. For me? I can't even find many friends around me. Most of my friends are younger than me. It doesn't seems nice to bother them too much. Some are even too young to understand my problems. I'll like to have a best friend too. Someone who is older.
Learn that many of my friends are attached. Some even tried to introduce guys to me. Seriously I'll like to be attached too. But don't think I'm mature enough to talk about this yet. Perhaps my fate haven't come yet. Just let nature take its own course then. I know it'll be late though.
Mind filled with tons of matters. I need a break. Just want to enjoy myself well tomorrow. Time for my rest. After in which I hope everything well be smooth for me. Hoping that the rays of sunshine will arrive soon. Otherwise I won't know how long I'll still be able to hang on already.