Sian. Tired. Don't know what I'm feeling now. Totally numb less. No feeling at all. Restless. Wanted to do something. But don't know what I want or I should do. So end up just stared at my computer for the past few hours after I woke up at evening. Never put any food and drink in my mouth. Just completely stared at my computer. I hope it gets blown up. LoL.
Didn't go work. Don't think my mental condition is suitable for work now. Rest first. Work later. Doctor-ed everyday. Going hospital is like going to my work place like that. Since when hospital become my second home? Luckily it's only hospital. Not IMH. But guess it's quite soon? LoL.
Promised him I'll be good. No depression. But this small little thingy I can't even do it. Am I very useless? Don't want to let him worry about me. Yet this will worried him more since he can't even know how I'm doing now. At most just get some news from the police that I'm not in good health condition. Then he'll worry non stop inside. 100 more days to go. Is it so difficult to pass?
It is.
For me it is very difficult. 3 months plus. It seems like 3 years. One day is just like one week. Why so long? I'm tired already. I can't take it anymore. My mental is already collapsing due to this and work and lots of things. Can't stand it anymore. Nowadays I only talked more to Jeff. Cos I feel others kind of siam-ed me. Maybe they're afraid. Maybe they're busy. I don't know and don't want to know. I only know, thanks Jeff. =)
I feel very moody. Wanted to be alone. Yet feel like calling someone to talk to. Nobody to talk to though. I missed the days when I'm with close terms with woman. We two will be like sisters like that. Everyday stick together at Newstead. Now? You bo chup me, I bo chup you. I don't know why is this happening also. What causes this? J? Or is it even Sky? I don't feel like knowing. If only both of us can be that close again.
I hope all those mc-ing and leave won't cause anyone any problems. I mean at Newstead. Don't want to drag anyone down for lady boss's scolding cos of me. I think I should concentrate on getting recovered first. Like what the doctor said. I can get another job. But I can't get another health. So listen to what my doctor said. Don't want to tio bua by him. LoL.
Sorry to make you people worry. I'm useless I know. Sigh.
Bad times. I hope it pass quickly.