Today I ought to be happy. But no. I don't feel happy at all. All because of a person who made my life unhappy since last year.
Yesterday night J and me msn till sibei funny. I was laughing in my dreams. Never been so happy for so long. This afternoon I woke up feeling fresh. Because there's still my old friend whom sms me with a greeting.
Then his letter came fresh from the letter box. I was feeling more delighted than ever. Read the whole letter. And choke up one freshly wrote one for him. He seems very ok in there. Coping it well I guess. I feel so blessed and xin fu upon receiving his letter. Whole day was like in high mood.
But erm yea, I feel sort of bad. Because I sort of erm, flirt? with J online yesterday night. Actually not flirting. Maybe yea, just di siao ing. I must control myself not to play too much with him. In case the worst happen. I'm still waiting for him to online tonight. To cheer me up. I've been feeling upset since evening. After I saw him.
He had not been online in my messenger for at least half a year. And here he is again today. I just hate to see the nick rzdarkboyrz rox in my messenger. No matter if we chat or didn't. Went into his and her Friendster profile soon after. And saw a new photo on her profile. He's still so, good looking as ever. But? He's not mine. Forever not mine. He belongs to Ah Xin.
Skali I met him earlier then her. Would things be different today? I once asked myself? Will I still be the victim? The foolish girl who got cheated won't be me? It will be her? Then now me and him will be happily spending our life together? Instead of me tearing every time? I may sound foolish. But believe me, love is blind. Indeed is.
Mei asked if I still have feelings for him. I don't really know that myself too. The hated seems to be gone. Maybe I have no one to depend on now. Not even on sister whom our friendship had gone already. Neither on buddy. I tried to change my target to J. But that doesn't work much. Instead I still focus on that him.
I feel very xin ku. Very hear pain upon looking at his picture. I can't explain why.
Damn myself. I should go hell.