I've changed a lot after I worked and when I no longer working. When I'm working, I'm always the cheerful lao da jie who laughs a lot and cheers people up. Because I'm enjoying my work everyday. Where else for now. I'm no longer working. I've changed too. Back to my old quiet self.
Have not gone out for the past two weeks. Locking myself up in my room everyday. Walked out only to toilet and take water. In room everyday to online and watch videos. Online also appear offline. I don't want to talk to anyone. I guess, that's my way of mia-ing.
I didn't utter more than 10 sentences a day. How do you expect me to deejay? I don't know what's happening to me. Maybe I suffered too much blows in such a short time. I've become not so myself. Everyone's worried. Everyone's persuading me to go out, take a walk and have a breath of air.
For me, I prefer the way I am now. Just want to pass this two months asap.
Missed my working days. Missed the Newstead guys. Missed the Best's people. Missed the kopitiam staffs. Missed going to LeMON's office. Missed waking up in the morning to catch train to IMM. I've learn a lot and gained a lot for these past half a year. But why? Why is my life back to the starting point after such a big turn?
Couldn't find back my old lost feeling also. Every time I online. I would just feel a hint of strangeness. Habbo doesn't feel like my virtual home anymore. Don't feel safe nor happy in it anymore. Talked to those people I used to talk to. But some how, it's different already. I couldn't explain why. Perhaps I'll tell this to my doctor on my next appointment. I'm feeling so lost now.
Missed the old times. Missed the times when that guy and me were together. Missed the old outing we used to have. Missed the gathering of all my online family. Missed sneaking up on sister's bed and shared the bed with him. Missed the times where me and him were together. I've been thinking a lot of the past recently. But nothing can bring them back anymore.
I don't know how am I going to spend this two months. Already feel suffocated.