dear jianlong,

the 22nd day. i cried for 22 days. tears still coming out and say hi to me every night. yesterday 4am darling sister called me. was asked to take a step forward to make some changes in life. i don't dare. it's not because i'm afraid of changes. it's because if i change, you will be sure forgotten. i don't want to forget you. i can't bring myself to forget you. you told me you will stop replying if i still continue to contact you. so that im able to forget you. let me tell you. whoever that says time heals is all bullshits. if you don't want to forget, no matter how much times doesn't helps.

i'm controlling myself so hard today. manged not to contact you for a day. but i feel so terrible in my heart. i hate myself. the once perfect relationship why must i ruin it myself? to think i tell people and you that i treasured it. pui! all bullshits. if i know how to treasure you won't be gone now. why does humans regret when you lost it?

among all the relationships you are the one who i love most. yet hurt most. but do you know hurting you hurts me too? sometimes there's really no choice in life. you have to do it. even if you know it hurts you. i'm sorry for making you leave the company. but i don't regret what i did. i'm sure you will feel more worse if you're still there.

people around me trying to cheer me up. comfort me. but all this doesn't help. i know you really hate to talk to me again. but do you know how much i pin for your calls daily? just a short talk asking me how am i will do. but why is it mission impossible? i really hope to hear you telling me to jiayou. i miss your encouragement. why must i push you away when you're there for me? how much my heart hurts now.

just let me continue life this way.
继续沦落下去
at least i feel better.....