dear jianlong,

i'm sorry i broke my promise. i blogged to you again. these few days were slightly better. daytime keep praying to god and telling them i wanna be a better person. but when night comes, my tears very funny one, dropped automatically one. the clothes u left at my house still have your smell. i remembered hugging you and with this familiar smell then i can sleep well. but now i don't dare. what if i keep exposing it to air later your smell gone? 好温暖的味道.. mummy wants to throw. i secretly kept them.

我真的好想你.. 怎么办?? i want to forget you too. i tried. i really tired my best. but you still came back. both mind and heart. a guy who is almost with me daily for 1 year. it's really not easy to forget. i keep praying. pray that you will at least give me a message or call. this evening i finally saw you online at wa. you told me. we don't have anything to talk to each other already. you don't have time to entertain me. my heart pain. pain! pain! pain! why did you become so 陌生?

mummy saw me praying and asked me why am i so 痴情 this time. i couldn't answer her. you are not my longest relationship. i don't totally depend on you too. i think i must be possessed. or you must be the best. or i really must have put in a lot of efforts and feelings for you. my other ex tried to change me. i simply just told them to f off. but for you. i did tried. but i keep failing. i don't know why the more i fear and wanted to do better the more i'll fail. and yes i'm sorry for those harsh words. they made you leave me.

i asked myself how long do i need to nurse my wounds?
dear i'm sorry. i know you don't want me to apologize anymore. but i need to do it. at least they made me feel a little better. i'll write a million sorry. i hope by then i can forget you and you won't so 讨厌 me already.