dear jianlong,

so many days ler. i haven brace myself up. my messages to u are getting lesser. maybe it's because i've shifted u into a side of my heart. i know i should not spend time and effort hoping u will come back. but it's really not easy to let go of someone who is with me everyday suddenly. memories keep flowing back in me. we had too much memories together. how i wish to print screen them from my mind and save them to my pc.

i remembered watching perfect match last time. i was filled with jealousy. but now when i re watched it. i was filled with pain. i know u are happier without me and i should let u go. but why must either one of us suffer in the relationship or aftermaths? if only there's a block and delete function in me. i did and really tired forgetting u. but i keep failing. u will come back to my mind no matter what.

u asked me what is important in my life? can i say it's u? sorry, i forgot. there's no more chances left. all were used up by me myself and i. i couldn't blame anyone. tried to shift my attention to my ex instead. but u know what? the feeling is so different that i wonder do i even like them last time? why the feelings towards u and them are so different? well, ended up this idea failed. and i lost another friend.

my friends left me one by one. my parents gave up hope on me. even my doctor was left speechless. all he did was to tell me to relax. hey! i'm relaxing! i only want to brace up now. do u understand? i feel myself a disgrace to everyone around me. my childhood was bad enough. now adult is not any better. i envy people with good life. i really don't know what i can do. the motivation is just now there anymore.


help me to brace up.
i can't fall again.
i need you.