dear jianlong,

when this post is scheduled out. guess I'm gone. I'm sorry for making this sudden decision. I have no choice left. I already know my days are dead when u left me. that's why I keep on holding on to u.

I'm sorry. I know it doesn't help lah. the hurt is there. no way can I bring things back. I know u already forgave me. but the thing is I can't forgive myself. what have I done to u? the guy I love most? I hurt him!

I know even a million sorry won't bring us back. we are impossible. and I hate myself for that. I made the guy who loves me from disappointed to totally gave up.

I know I don't know how to treasure the chances given. I told u before. 3 chances max. yet I don't know how to make use of it. in fact making each time more worse.

I know whatever I said now is useless. unless I can turn back time and redo all. u think what? I have doraemon time machine? that's why I give up too. if holding on makes u so tong ku, I rather give up. u are the man I love. yet why did I do all those to make u so upset? I blame myself. I hate myself. but? so? sorry no cure lah!

what do I deserve to say I love u when I did so much to hurt u and your love ones? but please allow me to love u silently. I'll just place u in a part of my heart. when I'm back I hope I have the courage to say I love u Jianlong. please wait for me.