dear jianlong,

we broke off for 9 days already. i have not stop crying. i thought i can be well alone. i thought it's ok if i cant speak properly. slowly it will heal. who cares if it's stroke or nerve or whatever it is. i thought i can get a job and work well. prove to u that i really have the heart to change. but seems my nightmare have not ended.

do u know hearing your voice keeps me in good mood whole day? at least i know u will still be there for me. i know i must not depend on u anymore. soon u will not be there for me. but i cant help it. i'm so used not to being alone. i really don't know what to do now. why are u not there to help me this time?

every time i fell u will catch me. this time i landed hard on the floor. dear 很痛. pain till i cant stop crying. i know i cant cry anymore. but useless leh. i think i'm boned a crybaby. the surrounding around me is so fun and lively now. beer fest leh. should be happy feasting on beer de mah. but the beer i'm drinking now is so salty. must be my tears. haha. people happily drinking i crying sia. spoil mood. luckily i came alone. if not my friends sure pai seh.

this afternoon i went pc show. saw quite alot of our old friends. but i don't dare to go up and greet them. i'm such a failure. i remembered 3 months ago in march u hold my hand and we went it show together. really people mountain people sea. i'm not afraid to be lost last time. but today? i walk until blur, walk until dizzy. i took out my phone wanted to dial your number. only to realized you are not here with me anymore.

i.must.make.it.a.habit.to.be.alone.