What a day

Just back from watching a movie with C. Ratatouille. Not bad la. I rated it just pass which is 3 stars for me. 881 is 4.5/5! Perhaps I'm more into local movies. Not going to reveal anything from the show. Don't want to be a spoiler. I can only say it's a good ending.

Bought Mac home and kena followed by the cat which me and him always feed last time when I came back from work. The meow mi want chicken nuggets! =.='' I had to call mum downstairs to chase the meow mi away. It jumped up on me and want me to bao bao it. So ke ai can? But ke ai also cannot eat my nuggets! So shoo it.

I'm so full and bloated now from my mac supper. It's a blessing to eat some fast food once in a awhile for supper. Today's really a sucky day. I kena from radio. Account gone. That one suan. Since they now become lidat. I've nothing to say.

Then it was the job thingy. Jie recommend me telemarketer job at her company. Which she arranged for tomorrow's interview already. But at last minute I fly her plane. She must be damn disappointed. Sorry jie. I'm really not into office jobs I think. Prefer running out and doing sales.

Saturday need to go out with mei and a couple or a group of monkeys. Bless that I don't kena anger by those kids. Things are getting way more complicated than I can imagine it out to be. Omg. Bless those things don't get tangled up too. I've have no more to say.

I can't seem to forget the past recently. It keep coming back into my mind or into my dreams. Weird. Very weird indeed. I can't even forget his old hp no even though I tried my best. Are ex's no so difficult to forget? I can't even remember his number. Yet I can't forget that guy's old no. Ahh. Fan la. I need my sleep now.

Do you understand

I think I slept my whole day away. Zenn asked me over to her house. Wanted to go, but was lazy in the end. So I called it off. We chatted on the phone though. It's really something unbelievable that I would become so close with Zenn. I knew her through him. Which before that I saw Cedric's and her photo on Friendster before. Not knowing I would actually know her so well now. It's just like a dream. Which happened in less than half a year.

A lot of matters can happened within half a year. Well, a year to be exact. Last year at this time. I was still bothered by that guy. This time at this year, we bumped into each other on the streets yet never even bothered to say a hi. Next year at this time, who knows what will happen. I asked myself, will I even be alive at that time? Maybe not.

I saw lots of my old schoolmates already papa and mama. Kind of envy them. Why are their lives so good? Where else for mine is like sai. I just want a simple relationship which will allows me to smile when I think of it when I'm old. Just a simple wish. Am I even being greedy like this? Why does heaven keep making a fool out of me? When then can I have a smooth path to walk on? Instead of walking through a path full of pebbles and water holes.

Streaming some songs on air now. Poor listeners, they're going to be bored stiff. I played all those emotional songs. Perhaps I really feel very emotional now. Guess I'm tired again. I waited and have waited. But? It's still the same. Everything just went back to the starting point. I tried to seek for it instead of just plain waiting. But worse. I found myself lost instead. Maybe I should try not to do anything. Not even wait. Perhaps chance will arrive this way.

Buddy said this, "The heart has its reasons which reason knows not of."

*Nods* =)

A trip to the hospital

Soon will be Sep already. Happy. Cos Oct is coming nearer and nearer. 22! 22! 22! ^o^

Went hospital for appointment today. Doctor Melvin is so cute can? He asked if I got a bf, if nope, he said he's going to woo me. *Blush* I was giggling there when I heard that. And told him one thing before I went out of the room.

Me : "Meow meow, go die lar!" =X

HAHAHA. See how bad I am? I knew he's joking with me, hence I can joked back with him. With a same age guy as my doctor, I really feel very comfortable and can talked a lot of stuffs to him. Today we talked about movie. I told him about 881 and he told me about Gay Jay Chou's movie.

Him : Why don't like Jay?
Me : He's my ou xiang. Ou tu de dui xiang. *Pukes* =X

Sorry, no offense to Jay's fans.

Every thing's under controlled now. Doctor said I smiled a lot more than the previous time. Of course doctor, cause you are cute. xD I'm on less medication now. 2 now rather than 3! The dose of my medication decreased too. And I only need to visit him 2 months rather than a month later. Means I'm recovering well then. Well done RongFang! You did it. You managed to fight depression. Congrats!

Overall, today's just a trip to the hospital and a sleepy day. I slept my whole day away after I came back. LoL. Piggy me. Well, today's still considered not bad. *Smiles*

Bo liao

Nothing much to say today. I'm currently busy in MSN now. Tonight will be a short post. My computer damn laggy tonight. And I'm not going to tell you why. LOL!

Going hospital tomorrow noon. Need to sleep early later. Think I'll go out walk walk after going hospital. Don't feel like staying at home all times.

Got his letter today. HAPPY lar. He feared that he might get a longer sentence. Which is something I feared also. Sian. Don't know reply him what. So just choke up some rubbish and send back to him. -.-

Meet C at night and kena pass the whole stacks of used cards. Around 300 lor. Help. So many. Thur we going watch movie. Then jeff said got IT show at suntec. Don't know want go or not.

Lidat lar. Told ya nothing much tonight. I blogged until sian. Sleepy. Nitez.

Day dreaming

Time passes so slow. It's only 27th now. Tomorrow got to go back hospital for appointment at early noon. Spending money on medical bills again. Need to see Doctor Meow Melvin again. Need to step into that darn TTSH again. Somehow I missed the beds and the nurses there. Because it's only when I'm in hospital that he's there to take care of me.

Okay, wth am I thinking again? -_-

Ya, I missed him. =(

Wonder if everything can be as smoothly as what I predicted, he's able to come out on the 22nd of Oct. Then we spend a few days together. After which we go to find a job. Hopefully the working venue will be quite close. Then yum yum. The happy working days will be back again.

Had a long talk with mei yesterday night. We chatted till 4am in the morning. Talked about him mostly. How he had no future. I only see the 'qian tu' $$ on the walls instead of 'qian tu' future. And mei advised me to 'change' him away. To buddy. LOL! So bad right? No la, cannot. Me and buddy will just remain as what we're now. Good isn't it?

Slept a lot recently. I can even sleep till evening today not knowing that my kai ye came over my house to visit. I dreamed a lot too. But most of the times are nightmares. Dreamed a lot of the past. I guess I missed the old times lots. Ya, and I did.

It's night again. Sigh.

For goodness sake

Today is not a peaceful day. I'll explained why.

I got woken up by THREE phone calls in less than TWO hours.

First to call was sister. He asked me to over his house and accompany him chat. But since after the incident of my parents and him happened, they disliked me to go over to visit him. So of course I can't go. Was lazy to go anyway. BEDOK! So far. So pang seh him.

Second to call was didi kenneth. He said he's bored and called from Vivo to disturb. Said today's a National Couple Day again. Asked me to go out accompany him shopping. But since he said today's a National Couple Day. Why should I go out and rub salt to my wound? So of course I pang seh him and stay at home sleep. :D

Third to call was matthew. Jio me go rush hour 3 movie with duck and mei at BISHAN?! When he called it's already 4pm. The movie starts in less than 3 hours. Asked me go over to bishan, I then rush hour. So after discussing with duck they all. I got pang seh! LOL! Good for me too. Wasn't in the mood to go out today.

So homed today whole day. Never eat, only sleep and online and watch tv. Tomorrow's sunday. How how how? Home or out? Don't know. Neither do I want to know. Sleep! :D

Nothing to blog

My poor mouse died a terrible death. T.T
It's roller's died. I can't scroll it anymore. But still, I love it. =D

LoL. Something random. I'm bored. Smsing jeff. Seems I only sms him when I'm bored. LOL. x.x

Nothing to blog la. I feel sleepy again. I thought I just woke up at 4pm. And napped at 5.30pm. Now I'm sleepy again. Wth. How to kill my sian ness? Thought tomorrow will be a great day out. But then it's canceled. Omg! No way am I staying at home again. I'm sick of facing the computer and my bed.

I need some sugar and spice to add some flavor to my life. Everyday sleep, eat, watch tv, online. Bored stiff. Something to be joyful about. Chengxi's 9pm Like Father Like Daughter is damn funny. Watch it. Omg, I love Chengxi.

Thought of posting some pictures. Browsed my whole computer and found no nice photos. -_-

I really don't know what else I can do anymore. Sleep is the only thing I can think of. Zzz.

Even Zenn who is 5 years younger than me is getting engaged. Me? Still lost for direction. Still lost in the forest. Skali one day kena eaten up by bear. Merry xmas then. -_-

I fear.

Boring

Today was another sleepy day. I slacked the whole day. Half mia you can say. Was lazy to reply to anything or online. Just slacking watch videos for the whole day. Watched 3 pieces of discs.

Napped a little while and had 2 cones of ice cream today. Yum yum. Pang seh jeffery from best for movie treat tomorrow. Lied to him I'm sick. Bad me right? LoL. As I don't really feel comfortable going out alone with a guy. Excluding sister and buddy.

Came online for a little while at night. Being dragged to a 'meeting' to discuss about saturday's meeting. The 4 of us are going for movie and dinner. Another pok si me day. Die. LoL. How am I even going to survive without a job now? And yet I still keep going out and out.

I'm worrying more and more. Because of him. He rather tio the caning cos he want to be with me sooner. I really don't know what else to say anymore. If he gets a longer sentence, I don't know what am I going to do also? Continue waiting?

Rider messaged me just now. Got a shock. It's been quite long since we chatted. So many changes within these few months. Nothing much to update already. Life's getting more and more boring. Haiz. I need a job. I need a life.

My Samsung mouse died yet again. Eee!

What goes around comes around.

881

It's not even 1am. Yet I feel super sleepy. I don't know why I feel so easily tired nowadays. Must be the medication I'm on currently. 3 types of medications. What do you expect?

Went to watch papaya 881 with C just now. Thanks C for your movie treat!

Quite a good show for a SG slim. Funny at the first place, touching and heart warming at the ending part. Better than the other film man in white. Which is just lame from start to end and makes no sense at all. I love SG films. =)

Won't blabber too much about the show. Don't want to be a spoiler. =P

I couldn't sleep well yesterday night. Keep on tossing and turning in my bed. Having nightmares of him being sentence for a longer time. Really don't wish to see that happen. Frankly say, I'm tired of waiting like this. Might be getting a job soon. Life without work simply sucks. Lot 1's more than words is hiring. Sales line again? I don't know. Still lost for direction.

I cut my finger. Yet I don't know it till I washed my hands. Such a deep cut. Wonder where I got it. I still remembered how that guy's feeling worried over my cut finger. Can a person really act so well? Or did he put in real feelings at that time? This question had been in my mind for the past few months. And I don't want to know the answer.

Ignorance is the best.

The day

Today went to visit him with his mum. Waited for his mum at ang sua station. Bumped into ex Kala's boss Lin Jun Jie. We were both surprised. So just a simple hi.

Then took bus with his mum to queenstown. Chatted a bit. Ok ok lar. Still can get along with his mum. Even he asked why we both so gham now. He was shocked. LOL.

Queue lor. And went to register name. Then wait to be called. Went in and talked for like only 30 mins only. While his mum nagged at him for most of the time away.

OMG! He now grow so much meat. So yandao. So shuai! So tan! Oh my dear! LOL! I was stunned there. Thought we went wrong room, wrong tv.

Nothing la, I'm abit sot so yea. Lidat. Haha. I'm just very glad that he's doing fine there. We talked via the tele video thing. So cool and high tech can? The tv so clear some more. His voice also very clear. I missed his voice. Haha.

Some bad news lar. He might need to serve a longer sentence if he didn't tio the caning. Which he rather tio. Which will make me and his mum gek xim and xim tia. See wait and see how it goes. We don't know how the final outcome will be also.

Parted with his mum after that. Went back imm. And kena a lot of things. Most unhappy lar. So better not to say it out. Is it so tough to help me recommend me a job? Till they had to do those things. Backstabbing all those kind?

Stayed there for awhile and went to my cousin's house after that. No mood to stay long at that polluted place. Chatted with my cousin. Told her I missed him. Haha. She said that I'll be too happy to sleep tonight after visiting him. So true. LoL. So the whole day sort of goes this way.

End.

Today's a happy day! Hah!

OMG! I'm like so happy today can can can?

Because tomorrow can go visit him with his mum. I can't sleep tonight already. x.x

His mum called me this early morning and asked if I will like to visit him together with her. But only on tv for only 30 mins at queensway. Not at the place which is loyang where he is lar. But better than nothing right. Just like no fish, prawn also good ma. -_-

And today I went shopping with Zenn at Vivo. And we each bought a pink GUESS bag. Omg, so chio can? Price so reasonable can? $39.90. I find that's affordable to me. So I was tempted and bought one too. =S


Hers is of another design. Next time we can bring this bag out shopping together. So like jie mei bags lor.

Nothing much to say about the Vivo shopping trip. We were just following the signs and walking. Because we were like sort of lost. Pai seh seh!

Homed after that. Tomorrow is the day which I've been waiting for 2 months! Omg! Can't wait! Bless me. =)

I'm Bad

I was suppose to show up at Malaysia for my grandma's birthday. End up I didn't go as usual. I think I'm a bad granddaughter. She really doted on me lots. But I can't even go for her birthday celebration. Just because I don't wish to let my relatives ask about this and that.

They might ask about that guy, my work and him.

Already at this point. Why should I still care about my face? I don't know, I really don't know.

Looking at the pictures they took and the smile on my grandma's face, I felt better. Maybe it's good that I didn't turn up. What if I go and something bad happen, like I can't control my emotions or something and upset everyone. Won't that be worse?

I admit it's already been around one whole year since I last visited her. Due to my work and those bad stuffs which happened. I think I should really visit her after my medical appointment this month end. Since I'm already under 3 types of medication everyday, I don't think anything bad will happen right?

Going out with Zenn tomorrow. I hope it will be a good day. I'm going to take lots of photos and send some over to let him see. Maybe I ought to bring my camera out tomorrow. Although it's a lousy one. Perhaps we can still go window shopping and maybe catch a movie after that.

I shouldn't keep myself at home everyday shouldn't I?

Guess so...

Lost

I've changed a lot after I worked and when I no longer working. When I'm working, I'm always the cheerful lao da jie who laughs a lot and cheers people up. Because I'm enjoying my work everyday. Where else for now. I'm no longer working. I've changed too. Back to my old quiet self.

Have not gone out for the past two weeks. Locking myself up in my room everyday. Walked out only to toilet and take water. In room everyday to online and watch videos. Online also appear offline. I don't want to talk to anyone. I guess, that's my way of mia-ing.

I didn't utter more than 10 sentences a day. How do you expect me to deejay? I don't know what's happening to me. Maybe I suffered too much blows in such a short time. I've become not so myself. Everyone's worried. Everyone's persuading me to go out, take a walk and have a breath of air.

For me, I prefer the way I am now. Just want to pass this two months asap.

Missed my working days. Missed the Newstead guys. Missed the Best's people. Missed the kopitiam staffs. Missed going to LeMON's office. Missed waking up in the morning to catch train to IMM. I've learn a lot and gained a lot for these past half a year. But why? Why is my life back to the starting point after such a big turn?

Couldn't find back my old lost feeling also. Every time I online. I would just feel a hint of strangeness. Habbo doesn't feel like my virtual home anymore. Don't feel safe nor happy in it anymore. Talked to those people I used to talk to. But some how, it's different already. I couldn't explain why. Perhaps I'll tell this to my doctor on my next appointment. I'm feeling so lost now.

Missed the old times. Missed the times when that guy and me were together. Missed the old outing we used to have. Missed the gathering of all my online family. Missed sneaking up on sister's bed and shared the bed with him. Missed the times where me and him were together. I've been thinking a lot of the past recently. But nothing can bring them back anymore.

I don't know how am I going to spend this two months. Already feel suffocated.

Bored Stuffs

One word, bored.

My aunts, uncles and cousins are having a gathering tomorrow at Malaysia to celebrate my grandma's 80+? birthday. Me? As usual, prefer to be alone. Hence, I don't think I will go.

TOMORROW NEED TO WAKE UP EARLY. WAH LAO EH.

Lazy, lazy, lazy. Provided that I didn't sleep tonight then I'm able to.

Actually, I'm quite bother if my relatives will ask about that guy, him and my illness. So at this period, I think I better hide myself at home. I've been hiding at home doing nothing but online for most of the time for nearly 2 weeks. Kind of sad right? Why my life become this way?

Radio side I'm asked to start 'work'. But I've long lost interest already. Sigh. Since when? I don't know? Since our old family fall apart? Don't know. Don't think I can carry on anymore. I'll just let them decide to stay or go.

I think I need to go get a job quick. I'm growing moulds soon. Everyday I'll sleep till evening. Woke up, do my daily stuffs. And come online, rotted till night. I'm back to my old life. And I can tell you how much I hate it. Damn. I miss my working life so much. Been reading my old blog archives on my work life. It brings a smile across my cheeks.

I don't know what can I blog about daily. I don't even know what am I doing online daily. Perhaps. One day, I'll close down my blog and won't be online anymore.

Studies Talk

Slept till late, as usual. LoL. But the fun always start in the night. (:

Saw 'him' online using a different nick at evening. Floorfilla. He ran off upon seeing my online. LOL! Got things to hide mister? Don't feel that much shaken seeing him online today again. Maybe I'll slowly get used to it. Even if he talked nonsense to me. I guess I'll stay un bothered.

Discussed some 'big things' online with uncle they all. I was well, just kpoing. Cos I don't know much about all these things. Wish them good luck for what ever they're going to do soon.

Ah jeff wanted to study. Actually I'm interested to further my studies recently. Don't know. My whole mind is filled with books now. It's been 10 whole years since I last touched a textbook. But the problem is now. What do I want to study? IT perhaps? Design? Nah, I sux at art. Then what courses should I take up then?

I don't know the answer how do I start? =.=

Plus, who's going to sponsor me? I need $ if I want to study.

I want to learn driving first of all. Buddy's who is younger than me got a damn nice car already. Damn. Rich guy. Why does SG needs money in everything? Why does the world needs money? Bad bad.

I'm okay with my darling sister already! Thanks goodness we 'patched' our sisterhood. LOL!

1 plus already. OMG! Sleep!

The Good And Bad

Today I ought to be happy. But no. I don't feel happy at all. All because of a person who made my life unhappy since last year.

Yesterday night J and me msn till sibei funny. I was laughing in my dreams. Never been so happy for so long. This afternoon I woke up feeling fresh. Because there's still my old friend whom sms me with a greeting.

Then his letter came fresh from the letter box. I was feeling more delighted than ever. Read the whole letter. And choke up one freshly wrote one for him. He seems very ok in there. Coping it well I guess. I feel so blessed and xin fu upon receiving his letter. Whole day was like in high mood.

But erm yea, I feel sort of bad. Because I sort of erm, flirt? with J online yesterday night. Actually not flirting. Maybe yea, just di siao ing. I must control myself not to play too much with him. In case the worst happen. I'm still waiting for him to online tonight. To cheer me up. I've been feeling upset since evening. After I saw him.

He had not been online in my messenger for at least half a year. And here he is again today. I just hate to see the nick rzdarkboyrz rox in my messenger. No matter if we chat or didn't. Went into his and her Friendster profile soon after. And saw a new photo on her profile. He's still so, good looking as ever. But? He's not mine. Forever not mine. He belongs to Ah Xin.

Skali I met him earlier then her. Would things be different today? I once asked myself? Will I still be the victim? The foolish girl who got cheated won't be me? It will be her? Then now me and him will be happily spending our life together? Instead of me tearing every time? I may sound foolish. But believe me, love is blind. Indeed is.

Mei asked if I still have feelings for him. I don't really know that myself too. The hated seems to be gone. Maybe I have no one to depend on now. Not even on sister whom our friendship had gone already. Neither on buddy. I tried to change my target to J. But that doesn't work much. Instead I still focus on that him.

I feel very xin ku. Very hear pain upon looking at his picture. I can't explain why.

Damn myself. I should go hell.

Interesting 700

My 700th post.

Wow. I don't know my blog so old liao. Wonder who is reading. OWN UP! Who reads my blog? LOL!

Been talking to my buddy yesterday night. We were talking about his looks, his new car etc. Then his typo rocks also. Laughed until I nearly died.

Sleep in a awhile.

Typo: Sleep in a well.

LOL! He frog ah? Sleep in a well. HAHAHA!

Okie, I'm evil I know. Then talked to PJ di tonight via phone for 30 mins. His voice so wow. Nice. I can't believe it's him. Talked about ger and zenn. He asked me to be careful. Don't diao kia. (Got kids, understand uh huh?) -_-

I told him choi choi. I not so stupid. Then he blar a lot of things to me. Heng the conversation only 30 mins. Otherwise I also don't know how to continue. LOL.

Then tonight talked to J. I don't know why he and buddy always can cheer me up. J is so freaking funny. We keep talking about who don't want who etc. To think last time the whole IMM said he like me. I just listen listen fly fly lor. He's nice and fun la. But don't know. Cannot! Responsibility la. I still got tian kong need to jiao dai. If not got dai ji liao. Zzz.

What my mind thinking. Want to play only is it? Zzz. What a 700th post.

The Same Old Thing

I'm so bored lar. Everyday slept till late late. Then either crawl online or watch shows. Life is getting so fucking bored again. When can I get my old busy working life back? I want to work. Someone get me a job please! Anyone got lobang?

I missed the times when I'm at Newstead. Ta bao ing food for the guys. And missed the times when I'm at best. Everyday monkey ing around. They now offered me a job at best. Should I go back? I really don't know if I'm in a suitable condition to work or not.

I'm kind of like half mia now. I guess it's good for me to have a rest now. Might be going Malaysia next week. See if that's possible. Cos I still need to rush back for my appointment. Actually I don't know if I like or hate this new life of mine. Carefree and relaxing but well yea, bored. Very bored.

Unless I stayed at home everyday. Then I don't have to spend a single cent. Now I'm even afraid of going out. Cos I need to spend. -_-'' Afraid to see the inside of my bank account dropping day by day. Don't even dare to go back IMM. Cos I will sure kena squeeze dry by my old friends.

Just let time pass by like this. It seems faster this way. Just another 70 days and he'll be out to keep me company. Maybe I should just spend every single day like this till he's out. And leave the hunting job matters aside first. Sleep 16 hours everyday. Left 8 hours to do things. I guess that's enough.

Everyday only eat 1 meal. I don't know why I just don't feel like eating. Maybe should asked darren to drive me out one day for makan. He got a new car le! I'm going to buy his car plate number. Skali let me tio 4D tau pio. Then ho ho ho. Merry xmas liao. :D

Oh ya I let darren suan till cham cham. Damn him. He GOOD.

Time for sleep again. Haha.

Only Time Knows

Today's the 1st day of the 7th lunar month. Kids, you shouldn't wander around at night. Go home early. Those ge tais are here again. So fast. It's already a year. I don't watch ge tais at all. Maybe I feel weird. That's why. So fast. 7th month already. When will Oct arrive?

After the 7th month still have one more plus month before he's out. Why so slow? 2 months plus ago I'm still working. 2 months ago I'm in hospital. All these seems just like yesterday. I hope time will really fly past fast fast. I really can't stand waiting anymore. I'm tired of waiting.

My mind really is confused up. I thought it's only CNY yesterday. -_-'' Cos I dreamed of CNY in my dreams yesterday night. Yum yum. Missed the food. And after the 7th month comes the month of moon cakes. Yet he's still not here yet to eat yummy moon cakes with me. I missed him. I missed his accompany.

Still waiting for his letter. It's around 2 weeks since his last letter. Should arrive soon I think. Wonder if he received my last letter. And what will he wrote in this letter. Don't even dare to go Malaysia. Afraid that his letter might arrive anytime. Slow. So slow. I wait until my neck become like turtle neck already.

Saw that guy's profile again today. Felt a stab in my heart. Ouch. Hurts one you know? I really do wonder what if I bump into him one day. Will I just ignore, walk away straight or say a hi to him? I hope that day doesn't come at all. Let my mind continue thinking. SG consider small, but not that small to let me bump into him?

I don't know what the hell I'm typing down tonight. Mind all confused up. Maybe I lost my direction that's why. Only ate 1 meal today. PS all my friends and stayed home. Never speak a single word. I don't know. I just feel very tired. Can someone guide me to my path please? I really don't know what to do anymore.

A lizard dropped in front of me. It looked at me, I looked at it. And I ahh. It ran. -_-

Damn It

I'm being so not myself again. I cried. So tired. I want to go mia but can't.

I need a job. I want to work. But couldn't.

My parents said how bad he is. He's NOT! How could they said he's ugly and some kind of freak. Said he don't have a proper job and no money at all. How could they? No money so what? You can earn and save it slowly. No proper job and keep skipping jobs so what? As long as you're working and earning money. Not handsome so what? Are handsome guys good? No they aren't. I've learn a lesson from the past already. I don't mind all these. Yet they kept saying non stop.

I had enough!

My dad already ruined sister and my friendship. He called sister up and scolded him over some money problems. Hey? It's my money. I never rush him to return it to me. Why should they care? Now what? Our friendship ended. All cos of some kay poh ness my parents showed. Damn.

What should I do now? I'm really lost. All I can do now is sleep and online for the whole day. Don't even feel like eating. Fly all my friends plane. Don't feel like going out nor facing any single one of them. I don't know anything now. Seeing lots of my friends already being parents. Me? Archiving nothing at all at this age of mine. Still depending on my parents.

Fuck. I feel so useless. Maybe I should just disappear.

Tired Of Life

I'm tired. I feel like going mia. I feel like doing nothing at all. Yet on the other side I feel like doing lots of things. I don't know what my mind is thinking and don't want to know. I'm just tired. And well maybe yea, emo?

Da jie is depressed? Emo-ing just now. Feel like comforting her but don't know how to. In the end I just diam diam. I mean we all just diam diam. Radio next week onwards need to be active le. I've been inactive for the past 6-7 months. I can't find the time to be active now. Unless yea just stream. I can't bear to leave. Yet I don't find the point of myself staying there anymore.

I'm confused. I don't know. I just don't want to know. Maybe I'm also emo-ing already. Da jie said a lot of past matters. Including mine. Pain. Heart pain. I really wished to go back to the past where I can live so carefree and easy. No stress no nothing at all. Unlike now. So many problems. Last time I found a place for me to escape which is the virtual online game world. Now? Nowhere for me. Nowhere for me this pathetic girl.

If I had a choice. How I wished I'm still the innocent young girl who does nothing but habbo everyday. But now even my virtual world becomes so complicated till I couldn't adapt to it anymore. I lost my direction now. I want to get a job. But at the other point I don't. To me now, work or no work doesn't free me from worries. It's just the income matters.

I don't know anything and don't want to know now. Let my mind be in a blank.

Changes

I'm starting to mix in with my friends again. It's a good thing. Don't want to play MIA anymore. I'm being unfair to them if I keep on MIA-ing.

Went out with kenneth didi today. Really had some crazy fun at orchard. Never will I imagine that he's one of those crazy teens. I thought he will be those guai guai type of boy boy. It's indeed an unforgettable experience. I think zenn got a big shock when she saw didi. She went like O_O.

Forget to snap some photos. Dang! Wanted to play neoprint. But we somehow ran out of cash. =S Wanted to snap using hp. But two blur sotongs forget. LOL! So ended up only makan at mac and walk walk around Orchard few shopping malls looking the hp I'm aiming and the shirt he's finding.

Came back went bp mall shop shop again. Wanted to buy phone but last min fly kite. Wanted to save some money. My bank account is drying up soon. So came home after some sushi shopping and online chit chat with friends. There's a few pranksters going around in my msn, friendster and blog. Some stupid idiots.

Mei, jimmy, kieran, darren, low. So many people to chat today. Found out that jimmy's tired from funan's show. Mei's bored. Kieran and me intend to meet this sat with darren but darren getting new car next week so fly kite. Low asked me about my job and talked about newstead. Lidat lo. A lot of things. A lot of changes.

Suddenly everyone went to sleep. Me too then. Tired from orchard walk. Nitez.

Time Is Not Enough

I want this! Sony Ericsson S500i! Should I buy it or should I not?

And btw, Happy 42th National Day Singapore! =D

Tomorrow going out with kenneth didi to orchard. We will take lots of photos!
Mei ps me. No alone she rather ps me to be alone. So bad mei. Si wayway. LoL.
Ning jie's gathering also canceled. Cos jeff and uncle they all don't know died to where. Never reply. And jie's really VERY angry. Hurhur.
Maybe meeting matthew later tomorrow night. I want to go durian watch fireworks. LoL.

Friday. Metting best's people? Or go sinseh? Don't know yet.
Saturday. Metting zenn. Maybe? Or maybe not? Not sure yet.

So many things to do. So little time.

Lost For Direction

Slept till late late. Woke up at evening time. Never feel so good before. It's been such a long time since I sleep so well. Feels shiok.

I just discovered if I didn't go out, means I don't have to spend any money. Which means if I didn't work for a couple of months will be fine also. What matters most now is to treat my health back first. I need to recover before finding a job. Maybe if my old company called me for part time, then I'll take it and work a while for fun.

Watch vcds and it's already night time. Time to sleep again. One day pass by so fast. I guess it won't be that tough for 70+ days to pass right? I'm feeling so tired recently. Never eat much too. Just don't feel hungry and don't feel like eating. Food just don't interest me anymore.

Currently I'm feeling lost. Lost for direction. I don't know which way should I go. To work or not to work. If work, what kind of jobs should I go for? Sales line again? Or office admin jobs for a change? I really don't know. And don't want to know so much for now. I need a break for now.

Just want to enjoy myself for these few months while waiting for him. This week is fully booked by friends. I love the company of friends. Then maybe going to Malaysia next week. Time will pass by easily regardless of with or without a job. Since I started work, lots of problems arise. It's time for a rest.

I'm tired. Who cares if my mind is in a blank now. Lost for direction so what? Back to the starting point so what? I'll just stop for now first and continue finding my path later.

Back To The Start

After 8 months. It's back to the starting point again. I'm jobless again. And spending my life sleeping, online, shopping.

Went back office to collect pay. 300 plus only. Lie to me say got 2000 plus. My head. But never mind. Better than nothing. Enough to last me a month I guess. Next month then start to worry about money.

I'm thinking of doing some business with a friend. So call business which you won't want to know what it is. But I don't have the guts.

Went imm after that. Had a really enjoyable day there. Chat, joke, laugh. At least I still have my friends now. Whom I can go visit when I'm bored. They asked me to go back best work. Still considering. I like to take a break first before moving ahead.

Will be spending my next few days either watching the vcds I bought. Or go back imm find my friends. Lots are not working there soon. To think if I'm going back, they're gone. What the hell. No mood to do anything now. I'm just faking my smile.

Tired of this. I'm really not happy at all. I want back my old happy working life I use to lead.

IDK post

3am now. Can't sleep. Don't know what to blog.

I quited my job. Due to reasons that I can't get along well with supervisor Aunty Jenny. Don't want to mention much. Just that first impression she's really a kind lady. Get to know her more, you'll 'understand' her so well till you'll know.

Tomorrow going Sim Lim to collect LeMon's pay. I miss LeMon this big family. If possible I rather wish to return back here. Maybe going HR there request to change showroom. No way am I going to continue staying there. If not possible. Then bye bye. No point saying more.

Had a nice chat with old friends tonight. Enjoyed myself. Maybe I really shouldn't work now and rest till he's out. Time to give myself a break. I don't know what I should do now also. Brain is so empty. Life is in such black and white.

Update:

7am now. I still can't get to sleep. Danny asked me to sleep earlier. Very early hor?
Feeling very troubled. Finally decided not to work. Till he's out. Sorry to kor. Newstead is really not suitable for me.
Hope tomorrow's pay can last me longer.

I went to take a full look at that guy's Friendster profile again. Don't even know why I will browse over there. They looked so en ai together.
I don't know anything. But surely I don't have feelings for him anymore right?
But, what if we meet on the streets on day?

No, I don't want that day to arrive.

Reading up my old blog archives. Last year's this exact time post. It's about how I blocked Darren on msn to avoid being too 'good' friends with him. Seems like every year his name will never fail to be in my posts. We've know each other for so long. A lot has been wondering why we both are not together.
Why ah? I also don't know. Don't want to know also. I'll just haha it off. =)

Funny Buddy

I am unhappy because Darren didn't keep me company online. LoL.

He's now so famous in my blog. Haha.

Well, sort of angry with him. Already suffered some bad problems at work. Went to find Zenn after work. Pass her his letter because she want to see. Had some couple of fun nice minutes with her. Then she went with Cedric and fat cat to pub. I didn't join them. Instead I went home. Choose the longer route. Spent nearly 2 hours and got home.

Came online, Darren messaged me and said he's back to our old game. Then I logged in to keep him company. He got bored and logged out. Went Dota after. I want to call him. He said he's lazy. As usual. I just gave him some pissed off attitude and went off. Come to think of it. It's all my fault. Sorry buddy. I think only he can stand my unreasonable temper.

To think he's so nice to ask me if my fever's better yet. Although it's last week's matter that I'm sick. And I've already recovered like years ago. LoL. But anyway must learn to appreciate it right? To think I still can throw nonsense stubborn temper at him. Zzz.

Asked him out for makan. He want a few more people to join in. Anyone interested? He's a rare person to meet one okay? That guy want me to jio all girls and introduced him. I told him I don't have girls to introduce. Instead if he don't mind he can choose me then.

Crazy lar. We're too familiar to be couple. LOL. Only friends too 'ripe' aka shou already then can joke this kind of joke.

LeMon called me and asked me to collect my pay. Monday is pay day! One thing to be happy today.

Darren said, "Don't like quit and change job lor."

I'll take it as an advise. Thank you.

Don't know why. Chatting with him I'll always feel better after. =)

Work Stuffs

Work wasn't that bad. Jeff left for Japan no one to bicker with me. LoL. I'm starting to mix in with my colleagues. Joined in their jokes and laughters. Today was good. But it can be better. And I hope the better comes tomorrow.

Tomorrow is no uniform day. Happy! Don't have to wear uniforms on weekends. Great isn't it? Still thinking what to wear tomorrow. Black perhaps? It's cool. Then work is until 7pm on Sundays. Some more I only need to work 15 days a month. I'm smiling now.

The only bad point is Funan is quite far from my place. And it's at the city area. Means lots of people and traffic. Something I hate. But I'm already starting to get used to it. At most wake up earlier. Who cares? Most important is I need to enjoy my job.

Compare to my previous job. Freedom although is much more lesser. Colleagues are not that crazy. But at least I got myself a job that allows me with so much flexible time and stuffs. Must learn to appreciate. God bless.

I'll try to work more and off lesser. Earn more this way. My pay is by daily base. Not sure how much is it. Not going to bother also. With work, time will pass more faster. I'll just keep myself busy and make myself tired to pass time now.

Counting down in the meantime. Hope time pass more faster.

Laugh It Off

Pon work. Since I'm only expected to work like only 15 days a month. Why not pon more then? LoL. Well, it's just an excuse. You can say that I'm lazy to work. It's not really my kind of job and work place. Already sian-ed after 1 day. I could get tired after for like say 1 week and just totally quit. I hang on for the sake of having some extra cash this month.

Slept at home. Went out shopping at IMM. Bought loads of stuffs. Spent like nearly 200 bucks on shoes, clothings and such. Feels great. LoL. Weird right? I actually feel so much better when I'm already broke like a begger and yet spent so much. Girls are weird creatures. They broke, they spent, yet they happy. LoL.

Broke friendship with dar sis. Unbelievable right? He, cause of Darren's matter broke our 3 years friendship. Said I side with Darren. My dad even want to pay back the so call money Darren owe him and save our friendship. I don't care a wee bit. Told Darren about it. And we both just laugh it off. Chatting with him can be so interesting. Sometimes I really do wonder if I sort of like him. But actually nah. It's just pure friendship. I bet mei would say, "Chey! Ghosts then believe." LOL!

Darren's back from MIA. I guess I'm the next one going to be MIA. He cause of schooling went MIA. LoL. Who would believe Darren the lazy to study guy would go do part time study at SIM? Things really do will change so much till you can't adapt to it. Well, I guess that's life.

Replied his letter. Told Zenn that he wrote. And she seems so interested to know what he wrote to me. LoL. I'm only interested why he's locked up at a DRC. Drug rehabilitation center. Don't want to think anymore. Learn from Darren, get myself busy and make myself tired. This way, things tends to be forgotten easily and time will pass more faster.Yeah right.

My god. Cannot pon work anymore. Time to get sleeping and cracking tomorrow.

Mixture Of Good And Bad

First day of the eighth month was so far so bad. It's a mixture of good and bad actually. First day of work is damn bad. Ok la. Half good and bad.
I'm expected not to do anything. Ended up I get more bored and feel suffocated.
I hate this kind of work life. Missed IMM much. Stress although. But the people there are real fun. Unlike here, graveyard? -_-

Went IMM after work. Waited fucking long for one stupid fucking cab. And the poor driver got scolded by me hell lot when he picked me up. Poor guy. Keke.
Went to find my old friends. And most importantly talked to Julian kor about my work.
I always felt so much better after going there.
IMM, my kind of place! =D

Came home and opened the letter box. To my surprise. I saw his letter! You can't imagine how glad I am. Thanks goodness he wrote. =)
Although nothing much to mention in his letter. I feel very safe with his words. Will bring it to me at work. And at the same time thinking how I should reply him. Or should I say how to mail back to him? I'm a bodoh. -_-

I'm starting to believe in god. He will hear your prayers indeed. It works.
Today someone prayed for the rain to stop at City Hall and it really did!
And this time for mine. It works wonderfully great. Thanks god. =)

Today

I went for my hospital appointment.

Saw Doctor Meow Melvin. Missed him lots. =D

But never didn't talk much to him. He complained to my mama that I'm way too quiet. =.=''
And increased my dose of medication by a hell lot! O_O!!

Throw temper at the hospital. Walked my ass way out of it. Took train to don't know where. Suddenly I alighted and noticed that I'm lost?? Called for mama. =.=''

Mama came and bring me go shopping at CWP. Bought bag bag and catch sweets sweets. =D
Bought the small little thingy I plan to do for him and finished it just now. Kept them in a bottle. =)

Went home home and cough loud loud until now.
Tomorrow work work. Straight to hell.

I want go heaven! You idiot!

*Dies.*

*Wakes up and say "Horray it's Aug!"*

*And dies again.*